Making Space for Doubt
We’ve all been there — caught in the spiral of self-doubt, especially when life throws a curveball or two. For me, it’s not just a frequent visitor — it’s a roommate that moved in and never left. Maybe because I started my career early and never really changed it? I always had jobs in IT industry. I saw it transforming every year, if not every month. Basic and Pascal? IE6 and invite to Google email? Raise your hand if you know what I am talking about! Yeah, yeah… I know some of you have been here earlier, doesn’t mean I get to feel less “old”!
So back to this roommate. Usually he’s polite and quiet, but every now and then, he becomes disturbingly loud and annoying. Somehow he always picks the perfect time to strike — like right when I wake up, before I’ve even stretched my sleepy body. The annoying questions start rolling in: am I really passionate about my job? Am I qualified enough? Does my work truly bring value? And let’s not even start on the age thing! In IT industry, that somehow keeps getting younger every year, am I a dino in the room?!
These questions can feel like a heavy cloud hanging over me, casting shadows on everything I do that day. It’s easy to feel overwhelmed, especially when everyone around seems to have their sh** together. Or is this just an Instagram of the office reality? Hey you, who also doubts yourself and your professional career choices — do you exist? I bet you do! I hope you do…
So here’s the thing: what if instead of pushing these doubts aside, I let them in? What if I allow myself to grieve for the paths I didn’t take, the decisions I didn’t make. Maybe, just maybe, this doubt is a sign that I’m still growing, still on a journey. Even though I am closer to 40, then to 30 ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
So, I want to give myself space to doubt. Instead of fighting these feelings, I want to let them sit with me. If only we could pause time — but since we can’t, I need to learn how to let doubt be by my side. Rather than allowing it to make me feel unsafe and down, I want it to become a friend, a counsel I can trust and seek good advice from. In the end, I know I’ll move forward. I just wish to move forward happier, with confidence in my mind.
Easier said than done. Once again, in my search for tools to help with emotional load, I’m turning to breathing techniques as first aid, whenever those thoughts start consuming me. If I can combine it with walking, even better. I “ground” myself and it helps to calm my thoughts down. Then goes a moment to start asking questions. What is the doubt about? What has triggered it? Why I feel that way? Those are the questions I learned to ask during meditation technique, and even though I don’t meditate (unfortunately), I do find them very worthy to ask myself.
How do you handle doubt? I know some of you’re going through the same thing, so please share your advice. I’m grateful in advance.
Thank you for staying with me until these words 🌸 Remember to do good, be kind, and think open-minded 🌸
